• What happens when (C)PTSD and an abuse free future meet

    Chaos happens. It’s a new type of chaos, that doesn’t feel as heavy as the old chaos. Whoever follows me on social media already read or noticed I have been doing amazingly well lately. Not that PTSD is gone and that I am cured; it’s more of being able to deal with triggers, stay in the present and more importantly: look in to the future. It’s been going so well, I don’t even need EMDR therapy for now. What does this mean for my blog? Not much, apart from the fact I realised I want to start to write about my progress and my future. This means I will write…

  • Art and its ability to heal

    One of the greatest gifts I received is the ability to create, specifically to draw. Anyone who follows my social media follows my journey of rediscovery. This gift was taken from me by dissociative amnesia and I didn’t even know I once drew and painted. Recovering from a lifetime of abuse also brought back positivity. It brought back passions I forgot I had and skills I forgot I learnt.   The great thing about art is that anyone can do it, it comes from the heart. It can make you feel emotions, it can make you use your imagination and it can heal you.       When you create,…

  • Uncovered Emotions

    The last week my thoughts and emotions have been all over the place. Opening up about the sexual abuse after 20 years, is extremely difficult. Together with my therapist I have been exploring how I must have felt whilst I kept everything to myself. This uncovered a lot of hidden emotions, which at times scare me.   Being an emotional dumping ground for everyone, I have difficulty to recognise my own emotions. My first responds to “What are you thinking?” and “What are you feeling?” is, “I don’t know”. Followed by “Sad?” or a different emotion. I never learnt to recognise my own emotions because I wasn’t allowed to have…

  • Self-care

    One of the most important things you can do in your life, is to take care of you. One thing I learnt last year is that you can’t keep running around for everyone without taking care of yourself. Especially if these people claim to do the same for you and you realise they’d put in the minimum to get the maximum out of you. With my breakdown last year, I learnt I have always done this . With that, I learnt the importance of self-care. Not just the importance of it, but what self-care means to me and what part of it is important for me to be healthy and…

  • Blog change

    When I started this blog I knew I wanted to accomplish something with it. However, I did not know how I wanted to do that just yet. Like my daddy used to say:   Just start and you will find out how it works out for you. If it works, awesome, you won. If it doesn’t, that’s okay, you learnt.       Failure did not exist in my father’s dictionary, in a good sense. He made sure I kept trying but when he died, I missed his external encouragement. I did not have it internalised because of my mother’s abuse. I simply could not believe I could amount to…