• Dissociation part 2

    It has been almost a month since my last blog post, I honestly thought it was close to two weeks. A lot has happened in the last month and  I have severe dissociative episodes. A lot of people have been telling me they don’t notice anything when I am dissociating, part of that has to do with the fact that I have used this coping skill since I was little. I go on auto pilot and go to work and meet with friends and do all my normal things. So here it is, dissociation part 2.   I can feel outside my body whilst I work (like I’m watching myself…

  • Uncovered Emotions

    The last week my thoughts and emotions have been all over the place. Opening up about the sexual abuse after 20 years, is extremely difficult. Together with my therapist I have been exploring how I must have felt whilst I kept everything to myself. This uncovered a lot of hidden emotions, which at times scare me.   Being an emotional dumping ground for everyone, I have difficulty to recognise my own emotions. My first responds to “What are you thinking?” and “What are you feeling?” is, “I don’t know”. Followed by “Sad?” or a different emotion. I never learnt to recognise my own emotions because I wasn’t allowed to have…

  • Self-care

    One of the most important things you can do in your life, is to take care of you. One thing I learnt last year is that you can’t keep running around for everyone without taking care of yourself. Especially if these people claim to do the same for you and you realise they’d put in the minimum to get the maximum out of you. With my breakdown last year, I learnt I have always done this . With that, I learnt the importance of self-care. Not just the importance of it, but what self-care means to me and what part of it is important for me to be healthy and…

  • Books and other hobbies

    This past week I have been working on creating a list of books I want to read or have read about different topics based on my mental health. These topics include (C)PTSD and childhood trauma.   Reading has always been a big part of my life. Up until 11 years ago I used to finish a 600-700 paged book in about a month. Before the age of 10, my allowance would go to book series about a ballerina (whilst I write this blog, these memories surface). When Harry Potter was released, I begged my dad to buy it for me. When I was 13, I started to read books in…

  • EMDR or Exposure Therapy?

    There are a lot of moments in your life in which you have to ask yourself, “Is this still effective?”. Working on my recovery, I have stumbled on a lot of those moments. And right now I am there again. EMDR or Exposure Therapy?     Since the last Exposure Therapy session didn’t exactly go as planned. I’m left with the decision whether or not to go through with it. At first I thought the anxiety it opened up was a good thing. It was after I was unable to leave the house and spiralled into a depression again, I realised it wasn’t as good as I had hoped for.…