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What happens when (C)PTSD and an abuse free future meet

What happens when (C)PTSD and an abuse free future meet

Chaos happens. It’s a new type of chaos, that doesn’t feel as heavy as the old chaos. Whoever follows me on social media already read or noticed I have been doing amazingly well lately. Not that PTSD is gone and that I am cured; it’s more of being able to deal with triggers, stay in the present and more importantly: look in to the future. It’s been going so well, I don’t even need EMDR therapy for now. What does…

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Behavioural Wednesday – Freeze response

Behavioural Wednesday – Freeze response

Monday I had the perfect example of what the freeze response does in a person with (C)PTSD. Whether other people notice or not, I noticed my behaviour. I noticed how my body felt as if there was a threat. And to be honest, there was. The only problem is that my body reacts to it like I’m still a child and I can’t respond like the adult that I am. My Instagram poll showed a 100% of other (child)abuse survivors…

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Behavioural wednesday – Guilt and responsibility

Behavioural wednesday – Guilt and responsibility

Sorry… Sorry, sorry, sorry. I think my first word was sorry. A lot of abuse survivors seem to use this word a lot. My Instagram poll showed 83%. Some where voted individually and I had to calculate them with the main one. Why do we say sorry so much? And why do we feel responsible, for everything? I have been thinking about this a lot lately.   I grew up to be responsible for my mother’s needs.  Obviously I wasn’t…

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Behavioural Wednesday – Dependency

Behavioural Wednesday – Dependency

In recent conversations with my mentor we discussed how independent I am in a lot of areas, or I wouldn’t have managed to live by myself for almost 12 years now. I am not sure how I learnt to do this, maybe because I had to. Maybe it was pure survival. I have been taking care of myself and the family ever since my dad has had different types of strokes, heart attacks and a life threatening accident at work…

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Behavioural Wednesday – Eye contact

Behavioural Wednesday – Eye contact

In this first post of my behavioural series, I want to talk about one of my behaviours I never realised I struggle with. Eye contact. I think it’s one of my key behaviours that shows I was abused, but only other survivors and people who understand the effects and affects of abuse will see this as a sign. That is exactly why I want to start off with eye contact. It has nothing to do with self esteem issues (though…

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Dissociative subtype of PTSD or Dissociative Identity Disorder?

Dissociative subtype of PTSD or Dissociative Identity Disorder?

Last week I saw my dear friend T. again. She was in the neighbourhood and invited me for coffee or lunch in a place nearby. I opted for coffee but, and we should have known, it turned out to be both. We have so much to talk about, that next time we should just go for lunch straight away! At some point during our many conversations, she asked me how she can spot the dissociation signs, both obvious and less…

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Dissociation part 2

Dissociation part 2

It has been almost a month since my last blog post, I honestly thought it was close to two weeks. A lot has happened in the last month and  I have severe dissociative episodes. A lot of people have been telling me they don’t notice anything when I am dissociating, part of that has to do with the fact that I have used this coping skill since I was little. I go on auto pilot and go to work and…

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Books and other hobbies

Books and other hobbies

This past week I have been working on creating a list of books I want to read or have read about different topics based on my mental health. These topics include (C)PTSD and childhood trauma.   Reading has always been a big part of my life. Up until 11 years ago I used to finish a 600-700 paged book in about a month. Before the age of 10, my allowance would go to book series about a ballerina (whilst I…

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Dissociation

Dissociation

It has been quite a while since my last post. The reason for that is dissociation, I simply did not know three weeks have passed by. Sometimes it feels like yesterday, other times it feels like a week ago. Which is exactly what happened now. I thought my last blog post was a week ago until I read it was posted on the 11th.  I want to share more information with you about dissociation. Now, you might think “why don’t…

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EMDR or Exposure Therapy?

EMDR or Exposure Therapy?

There are a lot of moments in your life in which you have to ask yourself, “Is this still effective?”. Working on my recovery, I have stumbled on a lot of those moments. And right now I am there again. EMDR or Exposure Therapy?     Since the last Exposure Therapy session didn’t exactly go as planned. I’m left with the decision whether or not to go through with it. At first I thought the anxiety it opened up was…

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