When we have to say goodbye to our therapists

When we have to say goodbye to our therapists

Goodbyes… Everyone has dealt with them and everyone is going to deal with them again. Saying goodbye is a part of life. Whether you or someone you love moves away or when someone dies, goodbye is inevitable. Right now, I am facing them again. It’s time to say goodbye to both of my therapists.   Goodbye gives closure. There have been a lot of moments in my life where I wasn’t able to say goodbye. Surrounded by mostly toxic people…

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Art and its ability to heal

Art and its ability to heal

One of the greatest gifts I received is the ability to create, specifically to draw. Anyone who follows my social media follows my journey of rediscovery. This gift was taken from me by dissociative amnesia and I didn’t even know I once drew and painted. Recovering from a lifetime of abuse also brought back positivity. It brought back passions I forgot I had and skills I forgot I learnt.   The great thing about art is that anyone can do…

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Do we really mourn our childhood?

Do we really mourn our childhood?

It’s been a while since my last post, a lot has been going on and I wasn’t able to blog about it. Anyone who follows me on social media will know bits and pieces of how I’ve been dealing with everything. I have been dealing with a lot since I started EMDR therapy. I thought it would be easier to handle than Exposure Therapy and in a way, it is. There is still the fact that trauma is trauma and…

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Dissociative subtype of PTSD or Dissociative Identity Disorder?

Dissociative subtype of PTSD or Dissociative Identity Disorder?

Last week I saw my dear friend T. again. She was in the neighbourhood and invited me for coffee or lunch in a place nearby. I opted for coffee but, and we should have known, it turned out to be both. We have so much to talk about, that next time we should just go for lunch straight away! At some point during our many conversations, she asked me how she can spot the dissociation signs, both obvious and less…

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Dissociation part 2

Dissociation part 2

It has been almost a month since my last blog post, I honestly thought it was close to two weeks. A lot has happened in the last month and  I have severe dissociative episodes. A lot of people have been telling me they don’t notice anything when I am dissociating, part of that has to do with the fact that I have used this coping skill since I was little. I go on auto pilot and go to work and…

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Uncovered Emotions

Uncovered Emotions

The last week my thoughts and emotions have been all over the place. Opening up about the sexual abuse after 20 years, is extremely difficult. Together with my therapist I have been exploring how I must have felt whilst I kept everything to myself. This uncovered a lot of hidden emotions, which at times scare me.   Being an emotional dumping ground for everyone, I have difficulty to recognise my own emotions. My first responds to “What are you thinking?”…

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Self-care

Self-care

One of the most important things you can do in your life, is to take care of you. One thing I learnt last year is that you can’t keep running around for everyone without taking care of yourself. Especially if these people claim to do the same for you and you realise they’d put in the minimum to get the maximum out of you. With my breakdown last year, I learnt I have always done this . With that, I…

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Birthday girl

Birthday girl

Today is my 30th birthday! I haven’t been this excited since my 8th birthday and I received a Baby Born doll I really wanted. It’s the only thing I remember from that day too, it seems significant right now. I wanted to write a blog post about all the horrible birthday memories I have. I changed my mind. Yes, I feel sad today. That is probably why I wanted to write about it. Instead, I want to let you know…

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Child sexual abuse

Child sexual abuse

A name to what happened to me. When you name something, you make it real. Just like how I named child abuse and narcissistic abuse, I gave a name to what happened to me. Because it has, all of it has happened to me. I am aware this will come as a shock to people who know me. I was between the age of 9 and 12. And once when I was 17. The inevitable has happened, maybe this is…

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Books and other hobbies

Books and other hobbies

This past week I have been working on creating a list of books I want to read or have read about different topics based on my mental health. These topics include (C)PTSD and childhood trauma.   Reading has always been a big part of my life. Up until 11 years ago I used to finish a 600-700 paged book in about a month. Before the age of 10, my allowance would go to book series about a ballerina (whilst I…

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